Glove puppets

Notice to the makers of glove puppets: please give them a pair of back legs - and a tail if appropriate! And please could we have some monkeys. I make this heartfelt plea because I wanted to give a four-legged monkey puppet to my grandson Louis, who has just had his second birthday. I had a beloved monkey myself when I was little, and I wanted the same for him. In a week of visits to toy-shops and after examining hundreds of puppets, I found only one with four legs, and it was a kangaroo.

Do the makers of glove puppets not realize the gnawing anguish of children who find that the lower half of their animal has been chopped off? And what on earth can be the reason for this fatal amputation? It cannot be prudishness, since this is the age of anatomically correct dolls, and we have long-since accepted those that wet their nappies. Is this some left-over Platonic prejudice - the idea that the important part of the soul lies in the head and chest? What kangaroo would subscribe to that?!

So there's a business opportunity for someone - a real gap in the market - a chance to climb out of your own recession and to help revive the Chinese economy - an opportunity to spread the love of primates to a new generation! Step in quickly with an order for ten thousand four-legged apes and monkeys; your reward will be in the non-Platonic paradise on earth.